I am starting to feel kind of old now since I’ve moved home. Only a month ago I was one of the youngest teachers in the school, wasn’t married and had no children of my own. Now I’m home I feel quite different and so much more older than than my brothers and sister.
I’ve lived abroad for nearly eight years independently and am used to sorting my own daily life out. Only looking after myself has a certain freedom you only think about yourself and what you need day to day. If things don’t work out it’s fine you’re by yourself no ones complaining.
In the past month my priorities have completely shifted to caring about myself mostly, to thinking about what my family needs day to day. While I get ready for work in the morning I wake everyone else up going to school or university. I leave work thinking do we need milk or any other groceries in the house. Not so long ago I went home thinking dinner and then more school work.
I recently mentioned to my sister about feeling very satisfied at conquering the pile of laundry her reply was “that really isn’t something I’m too worried about at my age.” I felt so old in that moment. My mind is concerned with whether everyone has dinner, clothes are washed and the house is clean.
I worry about everyone in my house and whether they are okay. When my Dad died I knew things would be different but I didn’t expect that I would move home and support everyone in so many ways. What I imagined in my head would happen when I moved back is not what has materialised at all. I worry about everyone especially my Mum who has yet to figure out her nexts steps in life.
Who knows what my nexts steps will be but my family will be part of them more than ever.